networking technologies: logic vs love - Sexuality and Relationships

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Anonymous #1
	alright,? so firstly,? im mostly writing this just to get it out. no one to talk to at the moment so ill just type til i feel better.? this "story" is about a girl named jenni. i first met jenni when i was 15 through a mutual friend.? im now going on 22.? for a while, we would just talk on AIM (you member those days)? ever since i even just started having conversations with this girl, i could feel something about her.? shes about 2 years older than me, and has always been gorgeous.? now the connection between us is very strong, but also very complicated.? over the past 6 or 7 years, we've talked on and off. usually we'll go a few months without talking at all, then see eachother once or twice, and then repeat the cycle.? the past couple years it has even been less frequent. maybe only once.? even with all the distance, not hearing her voice, or? not even reading a text or email for months at a time, i wake up nearly everyday with her on my mind.? when i get close to her, i can just feel the energy. we vibe really well together.? i have never encountered a connection on this level with another girl.? i would do anything for her.? more then once, i have gotten out of bed at 3 or 4 in the morning just to drive 30 miles to her when she's had anxiety attacks only to leave 20 minutes later when she calms down.? we're both prone to anxiety although recently i have overcome mine through meditation. through the years, i have ALWAYS been there for her when she needed or wanted me.? but its always been totally one sided. meaning she's never been there for me. ive always liked to think of myself as a very rational (science oriented) guy.? things always have to agree with my logic. except jenni.? ? i really wish i could forget about her sometimes.? i know that my life would be SO much easier without her in the picture.? but i can never do it. i always come back. and i know thats part of the problem, but i cant help it. im just so in love with this girl.? another funny thing is that when im not around her, and i really think it out, i dont think the relationship would work out even if we gave it a try.? just because since we met, we've become very different people. the love is still there though.? maybe even stronger than ever.? it just wouldnt work in a practicle day to day sense. i have only had sex with this girl 3 times, and the first two times weren't even enjoyable for me.? i would get it in, spend maybe 5 or 10 minutes getting warmed up, then she'd come and push me off.? however the last time (2 months ago the last time i saw her) it was totally different and amazing.? it was more than sex. connection on such a deep level(pun intended) and it was bomb physically too. i got a good 45 minutes before i came and stopped. (she had already got off a few times)? now i suppose i should give a little background on what happened before this occasion.? in 09 she had just moved back to LA from NY and she came to see me.? shes always been a prude, and i had never gotten furthur then making out with her. even feeling her up too hard with clothes on was not cool.? this time she came over, we went to the beach, came home, and she gets naked and fucks me.? a surprise to say the least.? She gave me the "i want you inside me" she spent the night and it was great. i was on the clouds. about two weeks later my father passed away from a drinking accident (his blood alc. level got so high his blood crystalized from the sugar and lack of food intake) and when i needed her the most, she dissapeared. it was really devastating to me because we were really close. i worked with him everyday. he was my best friend,? this really hurt me on both counts.? i went about a year before i would talk to her again. in 2010 almost exactly a year later she came over to my new place, i had since moved out to long beach.? she came over at like 5 AM or something and we just had sex and layed around for a while. i could lay down next to her for days.? i was talking about how i wanted to see her more this time and she couldnt dissappear again on me. she starts acting really wierd and wouldn't tell me what it is. she'd say i wanna tell you something but i cant.? i kept bugging her and she said she was moving to mexico to live with her aunt.? i wasnt feelin this and the mood changed like a light switch. this was what i feared. she always come back into my life bringing lots of love and joy for me, only to take it away faster then it came. we went from cuddling and playing with eachothers hair, to me sitting on the other side of the bed staring out the window not saying anything.? i actually picked her up, and even called into work and made up an excuse to come in late so i could spend a few more hours with her.? she could tell i wanted her gone, so she asked for me to take her home, but i made her call her sister to pick her up.? she leaves and we basically left off like we wouldnt be seeing eachother again.? later i get a text from her. during the entire time ive known her, she's had this crazy ex that she would get back with off and on, but would always talk about how much she hated him.? the text reads, "me and james are engaged now.? he has a tattoo shop in long beach and im moving in with him. i just wanted to see you one last time. maybe ill run into you sometime." " i truley hope i never see you again" - me i was able to kind of get over her through anger for a while, but eventually that faded away back to the way things always were. me missing her.? when we would stop talking, i would always delete everything of hers so i couldn't contact her. as this was the only way, being that i didnt have the self control not to.? however, in june this summer, i had a dream about her, and had to get back in touch. after alot of searching, i found an old email i sent her with her email address.? i asked her how the wedding was. she said they split for good, and she wanted to contact me sooner, but that i deserve better. which i probably do.? she always says the reason she distances herself is because she cares about me and doesnt want to hurt me.? a little late.? i know everyone is going to say,? dont go running back you stupid puppy dog. she causes you more pain than pleasure. and i must agree with you all, but i just cant. shes like my curse.? fuckin jenni man...... i can really relate to forest when i think about her. feel free to share any input. especially the ladies, as maybe ,just maybe* one of you lovely shroomerite females can help me to understand whats going on in her head.? i would still jump at the chance to be in a relationship with her just so i can stop wondering what if.? to me thats more painful than having and loosing her. thanks for making it through this long ass life story if you have. good vibes to all?
Luc1d Stranger Registered: 01/03/11 Posts: 305 Last seen: 18 hours, 43 minutes
	Dshsb
dshow Nomad ? Registered: 01/22/09 Posts: 3,689 Last seen: 3 hours, 15 minutes
	Yea well you called it right. You are on the back burner and her little puppy. She would choose that guy over you any day. Ive known this girl since 5th grade. We have talked on and off for years now. She has always had a boyfriend. Different bfs. Well one time years ago i was getting close with her while she was dating something. Needless to say she chose that guy over me. Years later (present day) i was getting close to her again on the phone. Weve been talking back n forth over the last 9 months. She was gonna fly here and visit me. Again, needless to say she not only broke up with a bf during these 9 months but found a new one. Then came up with some excuse to not come here. My story is to help you out. Your girl like my girl is putting you on the back burner. She chooses another guy over you. The i dont want to hurt you is a ploy, a lie. She is probably either trying to convince you or herself that that is what it is when in reality she chooses the other guy either way. Your girl like my girl wants to keep you around. Just in case something happens with their present relationship. Your like a safety net. Your also boosting her ego knowing. DO what i did my friend.? cut all ties. You will always be #2. Even if you were to date, she would probably find another guy and dump you. You would be the bitch in every ending of this story. -------------------- Like EDM?(Electronic Dance Music) http://www.youtube.com/user/ThisisEDM "everyone has problems, some more then others" Need some advice or just want some conversation? PM ME. I am sure i can help you or give you that advice. Or just talk.
withoutawire Opi Lover ? Registered: 08/16/09 Posts: 3,812 Last seen: 1 minute, 2 seconds
	I think you are confusing sex with love. I am sure you had an intimate connection, but the lovey-type feelings you are experiencing from sex are causing you to latch onto her. These feelings are normal from sex with people who are your good friends. I have had it with two girls who are my very good friends, and at one point I confused it with love. I realized later on, the sexual connection is 250x times better with someone you trust and care about. This powerful physical connection sometimes tricks you into thinking you are in love, when really you are just experiencing feelings that come from passionate sex. She is obviously unstable, obviously manipulated you and used you, and clearly she took advantage of your feelings for her in order to have sex with you and bring out her own emotions and feelings that she clearly did not have definite in her mind. She is making several life altering commitments and you appear to be a big factor in her life. This is how she manipulated you and took advantage of your own emotions for her in order to settle her own. She was not there for you when you needed her MANY times, so her selfish motivation is definite and an explanation of why she disregard you so cold hardheartedly. Obviously, it's absolutely horrible, but at least I can give you some insight into the "WHY" aspect. Let her go, she obviously did not care about you the same way you did for her. You clearly cared about her on that sister/brother level where you love her, but then the sex really took your head for a spin because you probably started questioning if you loved her as a lover. Move on, that's all I can help you with. Girls are crazy man. -------------------- [quote]At first Coleridge welcomed the relief from pain provided by Kendal Black Drop [opium+spice tincture], but was later to say that his "eyes had been opened to the true nature of the habit into which I had been ignorantly deluded by the seeming magic effects of opium"[/quote]
Mr.PhilCybin thrid eye fish fry Registered: 06/13/11 Posts: 16
	Quote: *withoutawire said:* I think you are confusing sex with love. I am sure you had an intimate connection, but the lovey-type feelings you are experiencing from sex are causing you to latch onto her. These feelings are normal from sex with people who are your good friends. I have had it with two girls who are my very good friends, and at one point I confused it with love. I realized later on, the sexual connection is 250x times better with someone you trust and care about. This powerful physical connection sometimes tricks you into thinking you are in love, when really you are just experiencing feelings that come from passionate sex. Thank you guys for the input. i suppose i will come out of hiding.? The thing is, i can see why a third perspective might see it that way, but i have felt more or less the same about her before and after sex.? the thing that changed was that we BOTH had enjoyed it. last night i actually had an in depth conversation about this topic with a close friend and was able to realize some things i had never uncovered before.? The reason i keep coming back and i cant leave for good, is because i cant go on in my life wondering what if.? i have met many girls in my day, and the sympathetic resonance is so incredibly strong.? its not like? we were together, broke up, and i cant get closure.? im actively pursuing other girls throughout this whole thing, but no matter what, i would drop everything if she were to give it a chance.? Just because i HAVE to know what it would be like. i really do believe its possible that she does care about me more than the others, but that she has something she needs to get over in her life. after my conversation last night with the homie, i really think she is just scared to connect with anyone on this level.? its way easier to go in and out of meaningless short relationships for her. -------------------- Edited by Mr.PhilCybin (08/13/11 05:43 PM)
withoutawire Opi Lover ? Registered: 08/16/09 Posts: 3,812 Last seen: 1 minute, 2 seconds
	That is possible, but if she is getting married then I say stay away man. She's not stable clearly and is getting married. You wouldn't have a positive relationship -------------------- [quote]At first Coleridge welcomed the relief from pain provided by Kendal Black Drop [opium+spice tincture], but was later to say that his "eyes had been opened to the true nature of the habit into which I had been ignorantly deluded by the seeming magic effects of opium"[/quote]
Mr.PhilCybin thrid eye fish fry Registered: 06/13/11 Posts: 16
	nah, no marriage.? she just said yes when he proposed because she liked the idea i think. they had a brutal and most likely final separation.? all in all what im trying to say is that even though my logic says this is a bad idea, my heart says i love her and there's no other girl ive met at least yet that can make me feel the way she does. the brief moments i spend with her are obviously good enough to keep me around through the shit to keep coming back.? i really appreciate the input though you guys. --------------------